Unfulfilled? 3 X 5 Answers!

Have you ever made a career decision where everything felt just right? It was the right industry, the right company, the right team, the right job, the right future. But then…it wasn’t. 🙁 

I have found myself in that place multiple times over my career. The most striking example that comes to mind was when I left Arthur Andersen shortly after making manager. I joined a client of the firm that I thought had amazing potential growth and career opportunity. A friend of mine at Andersen had joined them six months prior, and he was thrilled with his work there. I left Atlanta and moved to the DC area for a terrific opportunity working for Stuart, a CEO with amazing entrepreneurial acumen. I learned quite a bit from him. In fact, even after all these years, I would call it one of the most amazing learning opportunities I’ve ever had.

Stuart and I were very different, and what started out as opposites attracting devolved into a working relationship that was more akin to oil and water. At first, I could seemingly do no wrong, but a couple years later it seemed I could do no right. Stuart wasn’t outright critical of my work, but we stopped clicking the way we had. My own expectations were not being met. I had gradually drifted from feeling grounded, centered and focused into a what felt like endless effort that just couldn’t seem to hit the mark.

So I did what I think many people do when faced with uncertainty or a decline in performance, I doubled down and worked harder. Unfortunately that didn’t work very well. I found myself literally dreading going to work. 

What to do When Work Isn’t Working

Have you ever found yourself in that spot? Maybe it feels like you’re overwhelmed and drinking through a fire hose with minimal results. Or perhaps you feel like you’re wandering in a desert with no satisfying destination in sight, or even on the map. Perhaps you’re somewhere in between where you find yourself floating back-and-forth, like a raft without a rudder and no bearing points to guide you. Bottom line – you’re unfulfilled. Work just doesn’t work!

Today I’d like to share with you 3 X 5’s about being unfulfilled. 5 hints to know it’s happening, 5 groundings for your faith, and 5 practical steps to move forward. With reflection, I’ve realized I could have seen my situation more clearly, but when you’re in the middle of it, things can be pretty murky. 

Five Hints to Recognize

1. Control kicks in

As I briefly mentioned, I started working harder to achieve the same level of results that used to come easy. An analogy might be trying to control the outcome of the game versus letting the game come to you. In sports, when you’re trying to control the outcome, you tighten up and miss shots that used to come easy. So what do you do? You try to control shots even more carefully, and things just continue to go awry. 

2. Work Perspectives Shift

As control kicks in, your perspective on the work itself also changes. Regardless of whatever balance or blend of work in life you thought you had, what may have started out as an imperceptible shift becomes more and more apparent. Longer hours. More “to do’s” appear. Checklists don’t seem to get done. Unrealistic deadlines grow. Work becomes the primary focal point of your life, and while important, work crowds out other aspects of your life. 

3.  Health declines

This can manifest both mentally and physically. First, your stress level can go up. Similar to #2, this may be a slight change at first, but whether it’s a more irritable mood or actual physical outcomes, like your jaw tightening or your stomach being upset, they become more apparent. In my case, I developed TMJ, lost sleep, and actually developed a rash on my arms and chest from stress.

4.  Relationships suffer

Both at home and at work, your relationships, which I believe never remain static, are clearly declining. Easy-going conversations become stiffer and more difficult to have. Work conversations, often due to #1, become more pointed and conflicted in nature. Home relationships become strained, stressed, and life-sucking rather than life-giving.

5.  Results diminish

In addition to what I’ve already mentioned, the actual output that you are accountable for suffers. It may show up with clear mistakes you make in analysis or judgment. It may be targets being missed that previously had been relatively easy to achieve. Maybe the management of your team becomes harder and harder and feels like you’re pushing a rock uphill all the time. Your gut tells you something isn’t right, and you should listen to it.

Five Faith Groundings

1. Pray

The Bible is filled with Scriptures encouraging us to pray, yet I have to admit that often I didn’t pray because I thought God didn’t need to be bothered, or I thought I should just solve something myself. Both perspectives are completely wrong. Philippians 4:6-7 tells us, “Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God… will guard your hearts…” Other Scriptures include Matthew 7:7-8, Mark 11:24 and Hebrews 4:16.

2. Listen

1 Kings 19:11-13 “The Lord said, “Go out and stand on the mountain in the presence of the Lord, for the Lord is about to pass by.” Then a great and powerful wind tore the mountains apart and shattered the rocks before the Lord, but the Lord was not in the wind. After the wind there was an earthquake, but the Lord was not in the earthquake. After the earthquake came a fire, but the Lord was not in the fire. And after the fire came a gentle whisper. When Elijah heard it, he pulled his cloak over his face and went out and stood at the mouth of the cave.” In his book, “Whisper,” Mark Batterson leverages this verse and says, ““Quiet is a think tank of the soul. Simply put, God often speaks loudest when we’re quietest.” He adds, “When someone speaks in a whisper, you have to get very close to hear. … And that’s what God wants. Is God’s voice the loudest voice in your life? That’s the question. If the answer is no, that’s the problem.”

3. Seek Deeper

Dive into God’s word and look for stories, examples, metaphors, and teachings for what you might be experiencing. Use AI to ramble in your feelings and concerns and ask for Bible verses to give you more clarity. You’ll find a treasure trove of truth with God’s Word.

4. Connecting the Dots

I don’t believe what happens in our lives is arbitrary, random, or a coincidence. I believe God is sovereign, even in what may seem like very small things. Start to connect the dots to where he might be leading you, similar to an animal following breadcrumbs. After all, Jesus told his disciples, “Follow me.“ Many times I’ve found I have veered off course and am not following Jesus, but following myself.

5.  Be Expectant

I have experienced that once I am actively doing the four things above, then I also should be looking for God to be at work. One of my favorite reflective questions is “Where have I seen God at work, in my life or in the life of others?“ The more I am looking for something, the more I see it. Much like when I determined to buy a certain product, I then seem to notice it everywhere. So it is by eagerly, expectantly, and in anticipation, looking for God at work.

Five Practical Steps

1.  Awareness

As with many issues, gaining awareness is a huge first step. Expanding your perspective on what has been happening with you at work and going deeper into why it might be happening is critical. Take some time to be reflective and think about what has happened and why it may have happened. 

2.  Journal

Right behind #1, or even combined with it, is taking every thought captive. Capture your thinking by journaling. Otherwise, your thoughts simply become jumbled, disparate, and inconclusive. Putting your finger on the “why” root issue becomes very, very difficult when your thoughts are a scattergram in your mind. Taking time, in bullet point format, to capture what you were thinking, so you literally don’t “lose your mind,” is an important step too.

3.  Counsel

Once you’ve gathered your thoughts, include other advisors in your conundrum. I used to tell my direct reports over the years, “Never go down alone.” Proverbs 15:22 says, “Plans fail for lack of counsel, but with many advisers they succeed.” There’s no shame in asking for help, and in my case as a supervisor, I became even tougher in evaluating my direct reports work if they didn’t ask me for help. Get counsel from others who have had experience, even if it’s not in your specific circumstance. If they are seasoned in life, they can give insightful windows into your situation. Our Crossroads Guides are standing by, if you’d like someone with whom to talk. Click here to schedule a FREE 45 minute consultation with a Guide.

4.  Explore

Exploring is something I find most adults are averse to doing, including myself. Perhaps it feels like a waste of time? Perhaps it feels like you should know what you’re seeking? But when you look at every great discovery in the world, it rarely came from controlled, purposeful, painful steps. It came through creative exploration in an organized and structured fashion. By definition, exploring means you don’t know where you will end up. Give yourself some time and grace and allow yourself this gift.

5.  Action

In every sense of the word, ranging from networking to all the steps to improve your current work situation to actively looking for new work. Whether it’s covert or overt, sitting around contemplating the problem doesn’t change anything. We all know insanity is defined as doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. Try something new that you’ve gleaned from the steps above and move forward.

Remember Where Your Joy and Peace Actually Come From

Feeling unfulfilled is a miserable place to be. We know that work is never the ultimate object of our faith and resulting joy and peace. That comes from Christ alone, but we certainly should take action when we are unfulfilled with our work. Since we spend more time at work than anywhere else, our opportunity for witnessing to others many times depends on our credibility from the work competence we demonstrate. Don’t miss opportunities to be salt and light, along with your own peace, that comes when you’re in the spot God has prepared for you (Ephesians 2:10). Blessings!

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Dave Sparkman currently serves as the volunteer Crossroads Career board chair and local ministry leader. He is also the founder and managing director of Spark Your Culture, a corporate culture consulting firm. Prior to that he worked at UnitedHealth Group, a Fortune #5 public company, serving in the role of Chief Culture Officer. His unemployment experience came from the implosion of Arthur Andersen, where he served as the West Region Managing Partner, People.