Never Go Down Alone!

Throughout my career at Arthur Andersen and UnitedHealth Group, I’ve had the privilege of working with some incredibly smart and ambitious people! You know the kind…no matter what the problem or issue that is faced, they seemed to always come up with a great solution in a record amount of time.  

Yet they, like me and most others, often would be hesitant to ask others for help. And not necessarily because they were prideful in their abilities. Many of them were extremely humble, yet confident. But that still didn’t obviate them from lacking in the process of asking for help.

With my direct reports, I tried to stress this adage:   Never go down alone!   I wanted to emphasize just how important I thought it was for them to ask for help.  You see, I had encountered several situations where I or others on my team knew information that would have been helpful to the person trying to solve the problem, but because that individual never asked for help, either the issue didn’t get solved, or the solution proffered was not as robust as it could have been. And then the ramifications came, and unfortunately, my direct report was out on a limb by him or herself. Most of the negative ramifications could have been addressed if the individual had simply asked for assistance.  

Psychologist Barry Winbolt, in an article titled “Why Going It Alone is Lonely and Also Stupid,” had this to say:

“For many people, asking for help is seen as a weakness, seeking advice signals stupidity. It’s as though reaching out places us lower down in some invisible hierarchy. Getting another person – even an expert – to problem-solve with us is an admission of failure; it says something about ourselves that is too hard to bear. Better to suffer in silence than to accept that we are stuck.

Ideas like these are propped up on something more basic. It is that looking into ourselves and facing a difficulty makes us uncomfortable. It can generate all sorts of excuses “I can sort out my own problems” (when obviously, you can’t); “This is my business” (It may be, but and you’re clearly struggling others worry about you); “Nobody understands me as well as me” (Maybe, but a fresh perspective can work wonders).

You see, we all get stuck at some point. If I’m stuck now, that doesn’t make me a failure at anything, and it certainly doesn’t brand me as a failure in other parts of my life. The stupid thing, if I might be so bold, is to believe that how you FEEL when you are stuck is a reliable guide in how you could ACT.”

Whether it’s in our minds to go it alone as a certain badge of courage, or whether we’re somehow reticent in our social dependencies, the purpose of today’s blog isn’t to solve or conclude as to why it happens. The purpose is to give you compelling reasons why you should “Never Go Down Alone!” Why? Because for years I’ve seen this over and over again in a job transition, whether it’s someone unemployed or unfulfilled! So, let’s get started!

1. We are Built for Community – – We should not mistake the spiritual disciplines of silence and solitude to become isolated. Romans 15:2 tells us, “We should help others do what is right and build them up in the Lord.” Living the Christian life is a “we” thing, not a “me” thing. An old African proverb states, “If you want to go fast, go alone. If you want to go far, go together.” I’d encourage you to go for the long haul and go together.
2. Don’t Miss Out – – If you go it alone, you’ll miss out on other people’s insights, experiences, and wisdom. Additional vantage points not only help you see the bigger picture, but also gain perspectives that you simply wouldn’t potentially ever have. There’s an old adage which says, “Many hands make light work” and the same is true for getting multiple perspectives. Additionally, I’ve found that the more people I speak with about whatever situation I’m going through, the more resources that become available through their connections.
3. When You’re in a Hole – – Get help from someone who’s not in the hole as well. While there’s a lot to be said for commiseration, there’s even more to be said to get help from someone who is not battling the same challenge as you are.  If you’re grabbing the hand of someone who’s not in the same hole as you, that person can provide leverageable help to pull you out of it.
4. Been There, Done That – – Have you ever had a problem, and then in speaking to someone else discover that they’ve had that EXACT same problem, and within seconds or minutes, you have a solution that may aid you? Think of YouTube instructional videos for a proof point on that one! 🙂 And while each of our lives and careers are unique, the challenges we face to advance them are not. One idea may be just the key you need to free yourself from the situation that you feel trapped in!
5. Nothing Personal – – Finding employment or fulfillment is deeply personal, and it’s easy to find our emotions getting in the way of progress (see our series on the emotions of a job search HERE). Getting advice and help from an independent party who isn’t weighted down with those can provide some incredible breakthroughs! That independence doesn’t take away from their compassion and empathy, but it’s amazingly helpful to have some objectivity, particularly when there may be some risks involved.

Crossroads Career has JUST THE ANSWER for you if you have the tendency to go it alone! We have Crossroads Guides (click here for access) who volunteer their expertise and experiences to help you navigate whatever you’re going through in your career. Solid, biblical worldview perspectives with compassion and practical application to support your fulfillment and employment.

Never go down alone! Get some encouragement and support now! Blessings!

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Dave Sparkman currently serves as the volunteer Crossroads Career board chair and local ministry leader. He is also the founder and managing director of Spark Your Culture, a corporate culture consulting firm. Prior to that he worked at UnitedHealth Group, a Fortune #5 public company, serving in the role of Chief Culture Officer. His unemployment experience came from the implosion of Arthur Andersen, where he served as the West Region Managing Partner, People.